Senaste inläggen

Av Judie - 20 februari 2009 19:25

I've moved my blog to:


http://yogamammaexhales.blogspot.com/


Hope to see you there!! :-) Judie

Av Judie - 19 februari 2009 20:21

...unless I am being chased by a bear.


Which doesn't happen too often. What has happened again is that when I got on my mat to do my practice, my fear came back. Since I have a level 2-3 class on Sunday I decided to give level 3  a try for the first time since my operation.


I am becoming aware of the fact that the feeling I perceive to be fear is many times nothing more than a whiny voice in my head that doesn't like feeling discomfort and stiffness. The voice doesn't like failure either, as though not being able to do an asana fully after a monthlong pause is the same as failing.


I sort of like this challenge as I am coming to terms with it. I can listen to the whiny voice and then respond by asking myself if I can just keep breathing, just continue through this moment. I tried listening to the voice to see if I needed to back off, and wasn't "afraid" to use Child's pose when I needed it. I used what my teacher Josephine taught me about building up to an asana (position) step by step. I reminded myself about the "universal principles of alignment" used in Anusara yoga which simply meant keeping my energy activated.


I remind myself of what I do know, that is the basics, rather than obsess about worst case scenarios. I accept that I am in the process of coming back into my practice, and at the same time, as always, I notice that my path is once again changing.


Maybe if I can keep on being more accepting towards my practice, eventually I will be more accepting towards the people and things that drive me crazy off the mat as well?


Nirvana??

Av Judie - 18 februari 2009 22:52

Today has been a tough day.


I've been provoked, and even though I knew what was coming, after 2½ hours I cracked. Not very yogic.


I had my first Body Balance class in two months, and as expected, I'm not exactly at my peak. Still I feel frustrated, but at least I have a much easier time accepting that, knowing that next time will definitely be better.


Now I am going to go pull my covers over my head and hope that tomorrow is a brighter dag.

Av Judie - 17 februari 2009 20:33

I love living in Sweden. And there's a lot in the U.S that could stand improvement. Remember that as you keep reading my short list of complaints.


Or actually read about my one big complaint:


This morning as I was brushing the snow off my car the lady who lives around the corner, down the street, walked by our house for the umpteenth time as she walked her dogs. She passed within 3 feet from me and as always I said, "Hi." She looked at me. This is unfortunately not unusual for Swedes, and it drives me bonkers. I keep thinking that no matter what, my children are never going to ignore someone who greets them.


And just to make things worse the same thing happened to me at lunch. I ordered a chicken burrito at a mall food court, and when my dish was handed to me I had the nerve to say, "Thank you." A stare was all I got in return.


And even as I was going to put my tray in the cart I noticed that a young employee was gathering the trays onto one cart  so I asked her, "rudely" enough, "Do you want me to put my tray here, too?" She looked right through me.


I have absolutely no scientific evidence to support the following hypothesis, but if I remember correctly Sweden is pretty high up on the list when it comes to the suicide rate. Could one of the reasons people feel that desperate is that they are treated as though they were invisible?


Please, please, please, if you are Swedish and don't feel this description applies to you, then it most certainly doesn't. Remember that I said that I love Sweden, and naturally there are a ton of Swedes out there that are genuinely as good as gold.


But after living here for 19 years, this is the most significant difference in our cultures as far as I can see. I've changed a lot since I moved over here, adapted myself and much has been for the better, but if there is one thing that I will not change, that is that I am not going to stop greeting people in what I hope to be a friendly fashion.

Av Judie - 16 februari 2009 20:51

Right now I am feeling almost too tired to get out of my chair. This is typical right after putting the kids to bed. I remember it being very important to my husband and me that our children got to bed early every evening (8 P.M.) so that we could have some alone time.


But what the heck did we do before when we were alone? :-P

OK, I have a vague memory of something, very vague, mind you...


Today I wanted to be sure to write down what a great morning I had. It started by putting on my new, supersoft, half-off pajamas after getting out of bed. At 9 A.M they were still on, the kids were doing their ½-hour on the PC/PS2, and I was able to drink coffee and read the paper.


Later on we went out in the sunshine over to "pulkabacken" (sledding-hill). The air again was just around freezing and completely still. Even my 5-year-old decided that he was strong enough to pull his sled uphill, so I could just relax and watch them have fun.


Afterwards I went to the store and bought waffle-mix (Yes, I bought the mix instead of making them by scratch!). I sprinted to the library (only 2 minutes away) and got there a minute before they closed at noon to pick up the Singstar game that I had reserved. What luck that it arrived the first day of their winter break! The only thing that drowned out their singing was their laughter...


After lunch we ate waffles with whipped cream and strawberry jam.


I made myself another cup of coffee to top it off.


Av Judie - 15 februari 2009 21:21

If my yoga session yesterday was anything but enjoyable, today I felt a huge difference. It was still not easy by any means, but my flow was back. My breath and movement were in unison. And my abs were able to stabilize my lower back. It's like I had to go through the fog to reach the sunlight again.


And speaking of sunlight, today was as beautiful a day as one could wish for. About ½-foot of snow lay on the ground, and the skies were completely blue save the dazzling sunshine. There was no wind, and the temperature was around freezing. I had the joy of watching my five-year-old son galavant about for two hours this afternoon.


And I did absoulute nothing that even remotely resembled household chores.

Av Judie - 14 februari 2009 21:53

So I did my first yoga workout today. Decided right off the bat to stick to the basics. Promised myself to practice kindness towards myself. Still I didn't expect it to be so hard. Not just the physical part; I can't say that I was surprised by the stiffness in my calves, hips and thighs. I can't say I was surprised by the soreness from my operation incisions everytime I tried to activate my abs.


What surprised me was that I felt afraid. I don't know why; I just did. I guess I was (am) afraid that the healing process is going to take a while, especially when it comes to my bandhas (when you lift your abs and pelvic floor).


So the nice talk I was supposed to be having with myself (seeing as I was to be practicing self-love through my asanas (positions)... I thought I would be pep-talking by telling myself things like how strong I am, how great this feels, yada-yada-yada. Instead my nice-talk consisted of me reminding myself that it's OK to feel afraid. That I'm doing great by just coming to my mat. I had to remind myself to complete one breath (and congratulate myself for that accomplishment) and move on to the next one without thinking further ahead. At one point I even had to tell myself that I could look forward to a nice, cold strawberry fitness drink afterwards, just like when you give a kid a lollipop after having his shot.


So I made it through my session. And I'm hoping that the next session will be easier.


Even my daughter had a setback today. She was going to be going to a pajamas party this evening, and so went looking for a nightgown in town this afternoon. There were two that she especially liked, in two different stores. We didn't buy one just then (she was going to think about it); instead she followed her dad home while I stayed on to go to the studio. When I was done, I called to see if she had made a decision. She said she wanted the one from H&M. So I bought the nightgown from H&M, brought it home, and ended up drying her tears as she realized she had gotten the stores mixed up (and naturally, they were closed at this point, too).


So things didn't turn out the way she had expected either. I got her to try on the one that I had bought, told how pretty it looked on her, and tried to console her by saying that things usually turn out for the better, even when it's not what we expected. (She ended up having a great time at the party.)


Like Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of my favorite book "Eat, Pray, and Love", I am discovering that daily dialogues really can help you find a positive outlook to life's setbacks. That is when you write the words you wish your best friend would say to you in your time of need.


Om shanti.

Av Judie - 13 februari 2009 22:24

Tomorrow I hope to have my first yoga work out since being operated on 2½ weeks ago. Already I am trying to quiet my ego's demons who are lobbying for me to make up for lost time. Thoughts like, "You're going to Florida next month, and it looks like your waist has gotten a little bit more squishy," sort of find their way into my consciousness.


So I ask myself, "What do I tell my students?" Should it be so hard to practice the same theme on myself that I plan on using with them? Of course not. And this is why I need to be an instructor (at least for now) in order to develop as a yogi.


My students humble me, in a good way. Seeing their dedication week after week I feel it's my responsibility to be as genuine as possible when I teach. Does that mean I am superhuman? Absolutely not. On the contrary my ego makes me VERY human, which is why I need my students to keep me on the right path. That is why at the end of the class, the teacher gives her students the mantra Namasté, I bow to you. That is the beauty of the teacher-student relationship. Like ying and yang, like everything within yoga, it is interwined and codependent, all in a good way.


P.S I had decided this week's theme would be the same theme my third-grade daughter had in school this week, Friendship Week. Her homework included a list of things to do (called Nice Bingo) - things like "say something nice to someone" or "ask if there is anything you can do to help", etc. So on Sunday my students will have the same assignment during their practice; only thing is that I want them to direct their kindness to themselves.


Skapa flashcards